I see you struggling with those kids, and it takes me back in time twenty-seven years. I know how hard it is Mama. I remember needing to feel like everything was done perfectly and dreading the fear of judgement if it wasn't.
I remember all the wisdom of more seasoned Christian mommies who looked like they had figured out the secret sauce. They had kids with cute clothes, brushed hair, and good public behavior. They would smile at me in a way that made me feel like I didn't have what it took to pull this off.
Babies take so much time Mama. They take more than you have to give them: your whole heart, your soul, your EVERY SINGLE BREATH, and your WORRY.
No one can prepare a mommy for two-year-olds. Now everything you have taught, worked, prayed for, and invested in for the past TWO LONG YEARS has a voice. And sometimes it's not pretty, what comes out. It is stressful, and EXHAUSTING.
You see attitudes beginning, and you pray to God that she will reflect Him, a loving father who gives her grace. Yet you aren't sure how to give her grace, and to teach her right from wrong all at once.
Your internet feed makes it look like everyone else gets it, but you keep studying how to do it better. I remember, little Mama. It felt like that too. Sometimes I cried. I yelled, I squeezed arms a little too hard, and I felt like a failure many afternoons. ALL I LONGED FOR WAS A SUCCESSFUL NAP TIME!
But I want to tell you lady, that you are doing a remarkable job. The patience you are showing those little babies is so much more beautiful than you realize. The love you are pouring into them is going to make it all ok. You will study books. You will talk to friends. You will keep on doing all of it. You are doing so much better than you think you are!
You won’t give up the work. Your days will get easier for a while, and you can rest up for the teen years. You will keep praying, and pouring of yourself. And someday, you and I will sit back, sip our coffee, and watch together as she becomes a Mommy.
For you see, you were my little girl, and I was the stressed out Mommy once upon a time. I worried and I prayed, and I could not be more proud of how you turned out, in spite of my missteps.